Blood

I came here to write a blog of different sorts (I'll try, but my train of thought totally went out the window, perhaps its for a better reason.) Lala, I know your reading this, and i'm not surprised you have been. I have never been angry at you for not keeping in touch, or resented you for it. I know you haven't resented me for it either, we're just busy. Its a fact of life, not something i'll point fingers at- I assure you, it has never been the case. You and I are very alike, we always have been. In so many ways, we feel the same pain because we grew up the same way. Single children, in a family of divorcees, always working hard, always looking for love, always losing it, always being dissapointed. You have never ever dissapointed me. Not once, and you never will. I wasn't worried you wouldnt remember my birthday. It was about my birth mother- whether she remembered. To be honest, my birthday was something I wanted to be quiet about, i didn't want any attention because of it. Since the beggining of july, all I wanted was silence and to be hidden, so I could emerge as myself. In so many ways, thats happening to me- for a few reasons (you'll really laugh when i tell you.) But know that I wasn't myself to anybody. I wasn't holding back to you, but to everybody. Every single person- even fausto, at the time. Things are changing in my life for the better, and i'm much more expressive, as you can tell. This is a new change, I assure you. I respect you so much in so many ways, and whatever differences we may have (I can't actually think of any), its really meant to be expressed as constructive critisism, and even concerns for eachother to improve. Were getting old, really old. It's pretty funny. It feels like yesterday we were on nonna's porch waving at the guys- giggling- across the street. It feels like yesterday we were in your room at nonnas, talking about life while nat was in italy (we then went into the basement and burned cherry incense. great night) Soon enough, we'll have more of those. Know that I haven't been disconnected from you due to my schedual, but to everybody. My life is being lived through the airwaves and pixels, and its how I currently manage to grow and develop. I love you so fucking much falalalallaalalalallala, always know that. I don't have any blood relation to anybody here, but know that your the person who I feel the closest with. I trust you with my life.