Please dont worry, it only hurts when I breathe.

What if I dont want lies, or pain? What if im tired of dealing with this everyday? What are my options, independance, insanity? I miss the good days where the fun in life was in wasting away. The problem is, is that before I never knew how close I was to the edge. This time im a little more aware. I know when my physical self is being limited, and I know I’ve taken a toll on myself when Im feeling dizzy in photography class. I know I need to relax, but I feel that if I stop for a second, I wont get any payment for my efforts. Good things, yes, come to those who wait. Good things also come to those who work for it. Perhaps im just trying to stengthen myself by killing myself slowly, the perfect suicide. Halloween gets me like this, halloween, halloween, this day, anything goes. I want to get away. I can tell, and I have noticed that there is an alternative to this sad, sorry school that leaves me depressed beyond all belief. Im numb, I’m grey here. I just feel like digging, digging through the past and picking the best pieces and shrouding them together. Yes, the fashion, the costume, the masks. Maybe yes, I am just tired, or maybe perhaps i'm just craving the blood I need. I still can remember all those grey, lonely days. I can remember the other ones too- the ones where I was starving, but strong. Find me again. Hypnotise me.