My tradition of an annual reflection: Goodbye, 2009

The truth is, is that this year, everything has blown up. Everything has completely fallen to peices, in the best of ways. My original life plans, my 'friends' have disappeared, my school and academic life, my ideas and original beliefs on love and life, all shredded, and set on fire- POOF, GONE! there would be no point to follow last years tradition of setting up my reflection in an orderly way. I'm tired of orderly ways, and plans and formats. FUCK YOU APA, MLA FORMAT! Anyways, this year has been a very exhausting year. I've pushed myself to the limits- physically, emotionally, 'spiritually' and academically. Earlier this year, Chemistry class crushed all my dreams of going into med school, (yes, It was a dream of mine, and I still love the thought of it, despite my hatred of school, yes, talk about irony.) I have learned that school isn't for me- university- isn't for me only because it doesn't lead me in a path i'd want to take. I want to graduate school in 2010, to keep my doors open, and then thats it, unless I somehow burn for something more, which needs schooling- which is likely, and im okay with that. This year, I also lost a LOT of friends after the summer. During the summer, I had two groups of friends, massive groups, to hang out with. There was never a dull moment. I really loved them too, they're great people, but it came to show that only a friend or two really genuinely care, and who will always be there, unconditionally. Which, in reality is all I need. It came a time this year, despite having tons of all my friends, I turned to the bible, I KNOW, the BIBLE, for guidance- a relaxing quote or two giving me a feeling of hope, that one day I will finally be happy, and that all this suffering will be worth it. this year, has been insanely monotonous and it is the last thing I expect to see for 2010- at least after july. In july, ill finally be moving out and on my own- indirectly. I'll find myself a job that pays the bills while I find myself, what I want to do and whatnot. I can't imagine it- simply because it's always been a dream. In 2010, several dreams will come true, as corny as it sounds. I'll also slowly lose support from my family due to my choice of not going to school- which is alright. My definition of family always has, and always be of people who love you unconditionally, who will always be there for you, and guide you through life, and not force you through it. I'd hate to lose contact with my Dad- due to his anger towards me, but it's something I'd have to prepare for. It's reality. I think he'll come around though, knowing i'm doing this for the right reasons- which is a relief. Next year, my friends will be sleeping on cots in my place, (Alex, I got one with your name on it, I promise.) and i'll finally be able to breathe. All of this, my life, has been completely changed because of you. And, out of everything that has happened in my lifetime, meeting you has been the most monumental, beautiful and hillarious thing. I'm never bored around you, ever, and I can trust you with my life, which in itself, is beyond amazing. Your the reason why this year ended up being okay, your the reason why 2010 will be fucking kickass, and your the reason why I absolutely love the nighttime- (our phonecalls, of course). Without you, I wouldn't have found total amusement in seeing cops everywhere, hidden references to lolita in songs, I wouldn't have been able to love people singing 'dontttt fuckkkkwith meeeee' late at night, and I wouldn't be angry every time i'd see a picture of... she who must not be named. I can trust you with my life, I can trust you to make me laugh uncontrollably, and to say unexpectedly random things late at night. I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY! you ease my soul, you calm me down, you make me smile even when im upset-- NOBODY knows how to calm me down or talk me back down to earth like you do. You should get a medal for it. Seriously. I'd like to mention that I wrote this while listening to a playlist I made that reminded me of you. It's so perfect. Everything I have done, everything, after July has been inspired by you. Your the soundtrack of my day, something that keeps me going, keeps me looking forward. Your apart of me now, in ways, that I'll probably never be able to describe. You get me moving, you get me singing, going 'laaaahdeeeedahhhhhhh!' everywhere, you get me going bezzerk at concerts. Just knowing, I have finally found you, is just so, beautiful. It can lead me to tears, thinking about what you have done to my soul, how you have released it in so many ways. Perhaps i can describe you as, running through my veins, in my heart, in my soul. You'll always be my sergeant chicken cutiepants, if i can always be your psycho killer with a gigglesnort. GAUHWUD, you make me corny. Yes, Indeed, this has been a very important year.

In 2010, it's all about us. In 2010, i'll be all yours.