For a period of the day (somewhere in and out of my exhaustion) i got insanely, horribly emotional, to the point of tears, because i'm tired. I realized that physical exhaustion is somewhat beautiful when spent on things you enjoy- like what I did in the summer. I ran. and ran. and ran. And I was exhausted, constantly, but my soul, my mind, was alive. It's as if i'm just exhausted mentally from being here. The monotonous boring days, sometimes filled with laugher and bursts of happiness seem to be swarmed with the utter misery here. I always talk about this. I repeat it- simply because it's all I have to share. Beauty and hope comes to me every night in the form of a phone call, and it inspires me to finish up here, leave in a quiet manner, and continue on. I realized today that I was crying and emotional because it's so close I can taste it. It's behind six feet of glass, and that's whats utterly crushing. I usually don't dwell, or get myself upset about these things, but as soon as I walked outside in only a cardigan and rolled up jeans, something about the warmth from the sun drove me wild- kind of like that day at the end of july when we realized what we got ourselves into. It's been a beautiful run. It's been a beautiful winter of hidden gems and unforgettable moments. But i'm ready for the days to feel like they're shorter. I'm ready for it to fly by. Any day now. Back in september and october, i was insanely in touch with how the misery was getting to me and tormenting me. I forced myself to forget about it, and take it day by day- and now that the final stretch is here, I'm feeling it again, it's flooding back, slowly. The fact that you and I are sharing things, and growing constantly is the benefit from this. This torment will make me appreciate everything I will finally be able to have- the first sip of water after years of a painful, unquenchable thirst. You know how I feel for you. you know I can't wait to finally be with you and have you, and you know I love you for your patience and -- remarkable patience. I can't wait to show you how thankful I am, and what I really am