i'll be the rhythm, you'll be the beat

Today, angd tomorrow marks something wonderful and beautiful. It marks my departure for new york, it marks another month closer to the summertime, and my growth. It's harder then ever for me to speak, to express through my blog, specifically because now there's less time for reflection and more time needed for actually getting things done. Slowly, but surely. I need to do what is important right now, and thats finding my voice through photography (It doesn't really matter that my blog will slow down, it's not very important.) Everything else will attend to itself, naturally. Matters of money, a space, and of a more.. severe nature will attend to itself without any effort- the will and the desire is there, and at this point it's just a matter of time.

It's felt like time has gone by so slowly, but I remember telling you about New York months ago, that I might go, that it would be lovely, and although it will be odd to be without your voice for a few days, i really just need to get out of my life in woodbridge, even if its for a few days. It hasn't been an easy journey to get here, and it still wont be until i'm in my place, rent is taken care of, i have a job, and i'm in your bed. Until then, I will continue to be hungry, sleep deprived and running towards what I want, and what it is that i want has been consistent for months, and if you really think of it, years.

i still remember the first time we spent time away from eachother and i went to wasaga beach, and you were attending to work. i don't even think we heard eachother's voices at that point, but i just remember missing you, missing you like fucking crazy, but i remember telling you that i've always felt you there with me, that somehow you were closer then i could ever imagine, and that somehow, something thats been hidden inside of me was awoken by you, an insane catalyst of a million different things
and i don't make sence, and i ramble as usual
but it's always been the same, how i feel about you is always been the same, and it's only intensified. there's something about your laughter, your nature and your presence that gets me running, that gets me moving, whether it's literally, or getting my mind moving, or getting me the fuck away from woodbridge, you've been the person thats been the reason that i'm transforming from the girl i was into the woman that i want to be.

i remember the way i felt when we told eachother that we found eachother, and it's been a baseline to my day, it's been there to everything i've been doing, the subtle sound of a reminder of what is to come, and it's coming.

i have a feeling it's going to be an incredibly emotional trip to new york, i know i'll be crying in times square, i know i'll be thinking of the summer and all the beauty i'll witness in toronto and anywhere i else i eventually decide to travel to.

i told my philosophy teacher what i'm planning for the summer, and he's the first teacher who encouraged me, who understood that i needed to get away in order to grow and decide what i wanted, and it was quite lovely to hear something like that around this time. he didn't pull a 'concerned teacher' mode, but he got it. and he told me to not tell my mom that he approves, he doesn't want to be hunted down. (sounds familiar)

i'm going to new york for a purpose, and thats to make a picture that expresses my mood and what i'm seeing down there. you don't take a picture you know, you make it. you compose it.


i'll save the blogging for when i return to woodbridge, i'll email and facebook whatever is going on.

im going to miss you babe, but i'll tell you all about that tonight

















Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away