Rant

My mom is driving me crazy. There's a reason why I work all the time, either then the fact I need money. My mother is utterly ridiculous. I left a lawn chair outside, in the LAWN, and she flipped that I didn't put it away. -- putting it away would mean to move it off the lawn, and onto the patio area. so from then, she started calling me lazy, useless, good for nothing, ect, and she says she can't wait until she can see my report card so she can bitch at me for that too. So she yelled at me again, because i put my laundry ontop of the washing machine- it was just a caesars apron and shirt. -- and anytime she wants to yell at me, she calls me from where ever i am, and says, COME HERE RIGHT NOW, and i ask why, and shes like LOOK WHAT YOU DID, WHAT IS THIS, and usually i get all nervous because i wonder if she discovered something thats ACTUALLY bad, but it usually NEVER is bad- but it gets me everytime. I'm just ranting. I'm utterly miserable with her, and I wonder if there was a point in my life where i could stand her. She has a good heart and good intentions, but she's fucking nuts. Her perception is out of wack, and her priorities are all messed up. Shes measuring HER success and HER life, through MY actions. So every time I fuck up, she gets mad at me for letting her down, because i'm her precious investment. Her investment of 17 years, that she's been trying to tune and adjust to her standards. At this point, I wonder if she'll kick me when she see's my report card. She'll either kick me out, and make me live with my dad or something, or she'll be in denial and find something else for me to do, like summer school or something, or maybe, just possibly- and this is a huge stretch, but perhaps she'll realize i'm her daughter. maybe she'll realize that i've had my own plans this whole time. perhaps she'll treat me like i deserve to be treated- like an adult. and this is just a rant, because i'm pissed, and im fed up, and i wish she would give me an ounce of credit for the things i do. i suck at school, but i work like a motherfucker and i don't cause problems. i wish she would have listened to me for a second, about what i wanted for my future. you know she's never actually asked me what i wanted? she just assumed i knew what was acceptable for her or not. there was never any choice, and thats why i'm giving her no choice but to let me move out. i wish there was a way to prove that i was thankful for everything she has done for me, because she has given me a lot of opportunities and the things i needed but i don't think she can understand my plan until much later. i don't think she can understand that i base everything on my happiness. if im not happy and satisfied with life, i'm not doing something right- and it's not supposed to be happiness simply at a temporary level either, yknow? she was just bitching at me for not making my bed good enough for her. and i've never done anything good enough for her. even when i was getting high 80's in school, she would be complaining and freaking out that i left a water bottle lying around in my room. or that she doesnt like how i look and dress. it's always something.

and this is just some bottled up frustration. don't take it too seriously. i had a fucking amazing day.

ps. more of a reason for you to adopt me, no?