What am I doing today?

1. Slapping Johnny on the back.
2. Dancing with the one-eyed sailor.
3. Pounding the fence post.
4. Saluting the general.
5. Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love.
6. Wiggling your walrus.
7. Flipping your omelette.
8. Climbing trees with your pony pal smiley.
9. Sampling the secret sauce.
10. Gardening with the golden trowel.
11. Firing the 10 pound gun.
12. Unpacking the moving van.
13. Putting your thumb in the porridge.
14. Smiting the pink knight.
15. Working up a foamy lather.
16. Varnishing the banister.
17. Making the bald man cry.
18. Rubbing Buddha's tummy.
19. Squeezing the happy lumberjack.
20. Riding the five legged pony.
21. Combing your hair.
22. Straining your cabbage.
23. Scraping the bottom of the barrel.
24. Left to your own devices.
25. Fishing with dynamite.
26. Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne.
27. Shaking hands with Dr. Winky.
28. Crushing pop cans in the dark.
29. Raining on your parade.
30. Playing the single-string air guitar.
31. Strip-mining with the spaghetti man.
32. Greasing the three-legged cow.
33. Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally.
34. Making a deposit.
35. Cleaning out your account.
36. Making a cash withdrawal.
37. Plugging in the toaster.
38. Minding your own business.
39. Stretching the truth.
40. Hoisting your own petard.
41. Painting the flag pole.
42. Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap.
43. Shooting yourself in the foot.
44. Teaching the Cyclops the Lambada.
45. Frying up the corndog.
46. Spending your Christmas bonus.
47. Consulting with your silent partner.
48. Taking a load off.
49. Pulling your own weight.
50. Screwing your courage to the sticking place.
51. Paying at the turnpike.
52. Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college.
53. Putting your foot down.
54. Locking the bathroom door.
55. Unleashing the alabaster yak.
56. Stewing in your own juices.
57. Discovering your own potential.
58. Letting the cat out of the bag.
59. Calling in the secret service.
60. Working without Annette.
61. Doing your homework.
62. Feeding bologna to the Smurfs.
63. Taking a few practice shots.
64. Tending to your own affairs.
65. Making chowder with sailor Ned.
66. Painting the picket fence.
67. Working at your own speed.
68. Holding your own.
69. Wallowing in self pity.
70. Making magic with leftovers.
71. Tipping off the inspector.
72. Building upper-body strength.
73. Investing in pork bellies.
74. Hitting too close to home.
75. Distributing free literature.
76. Aiding and abetting a known felon.
77. Hosing down the driveway.
78. Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile.
79. Barking up the wrong tree.
80. Visiting with Papa Smurf.
81. Whitewashing with Huck and Tom.
82. Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell.
83. Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly's shoes.
84. Putting your best foot forward.
85. Working late at the office.
86. Frosting your maple bar.
87. Sailing the mayonnaise seas.
88. Opening the flood gates.
89. Relishing your hot dog.
90. Making it up as you go along.
91. Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money.
92. Feeling your way around.
93. Brushing up on your typing skills.
94. Making the bread rise.
95. Liquidating the inventory.
96. Rolling it off the lot.
97. Spanking the rooster.
98. Communing with nature.
99. Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath.
100. Hotfooting it to the nearest exit.
101. Flogging the eggman.
102. Lubricating the love monkey.
103. Eating grapes with the one-armed man.
104. Making the world safe for democracy.
105. Playin' it safe.
106. Exercising your right to privacy.
107. Sizing things up.