"This is the city of vaughan, the city above toronto. We have recieved complaints about a female employee who is sexually assaulting elderly men during recreational swims. if you have any complaints or concerns, please call 911. we have not seen her for weeks, but we assume she is armed with several weapons and should be assumed as insanely fucking dangerous. if you see her, you should try to feed her salmon, talk like austin powers and yell the phrase, DO I MAKE YOU HORNY BABY? if none of those tips work, you must satisfy her every need and desire, otherwise, your life is in danger. thank you. have a sexy fucking day."