What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of last summer?
drugs.
Give me lyrics from the song you're listening to?
Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
non fat white chocolate mocha latte.
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
indeed i do!
Are you a fast typer?
yessir!
Have you ever laughed at something that wasn't meant to be funny?
AHAAHAAHHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
Do you get the trick in the song "If You Seek Amy" by Britney Spears?
aHHHHHHHHHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHA
Are you currently looking forward to anything?
september 19th!
Do you care if people talk badly about you?
it wont stop them!
Who was the last person you sent a message to on Myspace?
hah :)
What hoodie did you wear last?
my rhuel one.
Are you ticklish?
very much so!
Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else?
soon, his blood in a vile! hah
Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
september 19th.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
sure, a second chance, but not a sixth or seventh.
What are you listening to right now?
I WANT TO TOUCH YOU, Catherine Wheel (thanks babe)
Last time you made a bet with someone?
i dont remember!
Your current relationship status?
sheengle.
When's the next time you'll see your closest friend?
soon!
Are you happy?
im satisfied.
How do you feel?
satisfied. and tired.
Do you have a tan?
yes!
Do you have tan lines?
horrible ones! hhaha
What are you going to do this weekend?
work at the pool then relax, hopefully.
What are you wearing?
sweater, tank top, track pants.
Are you wearing make up?
nope!
How did you wake up this morning?
an alarm waking me for work.
Do you usually always answer your phone?
yeah, you could say that.
Who can you blame for your bad mood today?
kjsfnksjnfkfuckofffffffffff
Would you kiss anyone on your top friends list?
there all special friends.
When did your last hug take place?
this is a stupid quiz
Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
im tired
How many cats do you have?
shutup
Are you thinking of someone right now?
a delightful old man.
What's the last thing you laughed at?
a delightful old man.
Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
uh
Are you currently frustrated with a boy or girl?
a MAN.
How was your weekend?
one of the worst of my life
Do you find piercings attractive?
hahah i love nipple rings!
What's one thing you've learned recently?
i love nipple rings!
Would you forgive a friend for telling your biggest secret?
Nope.
Are you dating the person you text most?
Email?
Is there anyone you hate?
YES, I "HATE" YOU, ASSHOLE!
Three hours ago were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
like three year olds in the pool. that sounds wrong. i teach kids swimming, so I have to hold them and stuff. YOUR NOT ONE TO JUDGE, "WHEN I WAS 18, YOU WERENT BORN!"
Do you have anything pierced?
ears, niphaips
How much are you on the phone daily?
usually for an hour or two, around 1am
Are you in a good mood?
FUCK OFF
Do you believe in luck?
apparently im very very lucky- but i havent gotten lucky yet.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
i bought it.
Last person who told you your problems were going to be ok?
a delightful old man.
Be honest, do you like people in general?
No, not really.
Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a J?
I KISSED MYSELF AND I LIKE IT
Got any nicknames?
little girl, jenni, svetlana, jenn, hoebag,
Who was the last person to call you?
well, my last call was around 11pm yesterday!
What do you want more than anything?
september 19th, but extended for like, years or something.
Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
i think
What color are your eyes?
gureeeeen!
Do you ever keep arguing even when you know you're wrong?
"im not sick, *coughs up a lung* im getting better!"
Do long distance relationships work?
as long as the person doesnt go farther then montreal
Is there any part of your body that hurts?
my legs, and eyes, and arms. my BODY.
Are you happy with your life right now?
september 19th.
Last time you took a nap?
Soon i shall!
Who made you laugh today?
kids at work. I told a kid I lived at the pool and she believed me. i thought it was funny because I basically kinda do.
How did they make you laugh?
shutup
Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
its better off that way.
When was the last time you cried really hard?
id say in april or may or something. or before that. i dont remember.
Who was the last person who IMed you?
ian!
When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
i was holding my students' hands today!
Are you smart?
define smart
Last bed you slept in?
mineeeeee
Last words you spoke?
i dont rememebr
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
greyness
Are you wearing socks right now?
nope!
8/31/09
I only do this when im bored and exhausted.
Don't break, don't break my heart.
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No more 13 hour days.
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Love's the funeral of hearts.
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It's a 13 hour day at the pool.
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8/30/09
See how easily these figures fold.
I can tell theres something pulling me down today, some negativity. All I wish to do is spin off into the void, to fall to the bottom. I could lay in my bed all day waiting for days, not eating, not sleeping, just staring off- into the grey- the beautiful, stunning grey. Thats what I feel today, useless. I know its just one of those things, so I wont think too much of it. In all reality, I have so much to live for. I've been thinking of the people who have let me down lately, and its horrible to see how they've murdered themselves to fit in. One of my greatest friends, who I trusted very much, is now a ghost amongst friends, living for the popularity and the fast cars. This used to be somebody who wanted to learn, who wanted to grow and try to understand. Where did he go? Sometimes it can be hard for me to move on, sometimes I just dont want to accept this mediocre life i've been living, I don't want to come to the conclusion that everything so far has been a waste of time. All I have to show for, is myself and how I have grown. I have not saved a soul, I have not tamed one either. Perhaps finding oneself is the greatest deed one could do in their lives, but I'm not a fan of sophilism. (I went through this on my myspace, except now, instead of feeling connected to manson, I feel connected to one other, who knows who they are.) I don't have to talk to him at all, but I can feel him, in my chest, in my throat, trying to come out. During days like theses, or hours, I should say, I just feel like finding the cure to these heavy eyelids. I wish there was something to do about this negativity, all this exhaustion. I have been warned about this on several occasions, perhaps it is time for me to find a solution. I know there is so much I don't understand about the energies around me, and I know there is so much shoved into my subconscious. There isn't a moment in my life that I wouldn't want to figure it all out- its bittersweet. (Perhaps the chase is better then the catch?) Lucky for me, it will be decades before I could even imagine answering all of my questions. Perhaps I will just nap for a little while. 
jnssa stoma
Visiting
Today i'm going to lake simcoe for some photography. It was odd, my dad called me and asked me, hey, wanna drive to simcoe? and i'm all like BITCHHHIZIT HOWD YOU KNOW?! (okay, not really) but im taking my camera and I can't wait.
Ps. I have a long long long blog that i've been waiting to write. When I get home, i'll go for a run, then write it. Seeyas.
I'm ADDICTED to this song. Murder my Heart - Michael Bolton (Lady Gaga wrote the song!)
...
It is only the sacred things that are worth touching.
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Keep the heart cold.
It makes you big and strong.
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8/29/09
They played my song! :D
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So when I was four and you were twenty-two...
I love the fact I don't have to go in the water if my kids don't show up. I need to stay dry for several reasons, but if I get forced into the water, I don't think I'd actually mind. (My kids would have so much fun if I took them on the slide. I'm kinda lazy to, ill have to get my upper body wet and I DON'T WANNA) (mind you, they're going to splash me) The conclusion is that I don't want to go into the water, but ill be forced to. Wow, pointless! :)
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Aren't you tired of being weak?
How can people live their lives sheltered and hiding from what they truly love and enjoy? How can you be so blinded to reality that you think begging for pity will benefit you? The weak never live, the strong always die young. How beautiful it is.
8/28/09
Taste the fury that feed the devils inside, fueled by torment, sin, sex, sickness and pride.
After a night like this, I really learned to miss my life. I really miss the hate, the anger, the fear. Its amazing how alive you feel when you are so close to death. It's incredible how free you feel when your welled up in anger. Try to read me as much as you'd like, but nobody knows what that year in solitude was about. I'm ready for round two when you are. I miss the power, I miss the hunger. I miss the confusion and I especially miss the pain. Pain is good- something I never really understood until now.
Reeses pieces for the win!
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Throw me that lifeline, This ship of fools I'm on will sink. A millstone around my neck, Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.
Only three more weeks.
Shenanigans at Chancellor C.C.
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You don't need words--just one kiss, then another.
I woke up, did my morning fix up routine, then walked back into my room and barely heard "Running up that Hill" by Kate Bush playing. I thought to myself- OH MY GOD! THERES SOMEBODY AMAZING IN WOODBRIDGE- HE MUST BE OUT MY WINDO- then I realised that I just set an alarm for my ipod and it happened to be on my ipod speaker, so I was just hearing an amazing song reccomended by him- he wasn't playing it from outside, haha. It would have been cute if I would have woken up to him singing it. No?
8/27/09
Aladdins dad is hot!
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There's party here in Agraba!
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Your turning skin into a dirty secret.
I got my nipple piercing. I fucking love it! I think it looks incredible, and it didn't hurt too much. I got my right one done. Apparently I cant go in the water with it for six weeks, and I have to teach this saturday and monday:P (that sucks, but he said as long as you dont sleep on it, it should generally heal fine, and im doing some reasearch, and since its chlorinated it shouldn't be too bad, i just need to clean it very well!) I'm so happy with it! <3
"Work"
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8/26/09
When I see you in the sun, your as pretty as a Swastika
Anyways, just so you know, I might not be online tonight, or even have my cellphone. Last night, around 4:30AM (yeah, i know, i dont know why I was up that late either, im insane) my mom caught me up, took my phone and internet, so tonight she might take everything again by midnight to make sure I don't go online late again. Who knows, right? Anyways, I took the pictures, I ADORE them (I think I have a new background for the blog title, anyways.) And and and I love what I've done! I haven't worn eyeliner for pictures in years. I missed it!
I wont do it with you, i'll do it to you.
I'm in a very thoughtful mood today, I feel like learning and listening to everything. At the same time, I feel like suffering and pushing myself to my physical limits. It's a beautiful day for working out (oh god i've killed myself already, it feels amazing) and it's a wonderful day for photography. (Some darker, sexier stuff, I imagine) Today is a day for reflecting and making changes. It's corny, shutup.
My remix. :P
YOUR too sexy for this BLOG. Too sexy for this BLOG, so sexy, its WRONG
YOUR too sexy for your CAT. Too sexy for your CAT, oh pussy, oh pussycat!
YOUR too sexy for your CANE. Too sexy for your CANE, oh baby, its LAME.
YOUR too sexy for my PHONE. Too sexy for my phone, oh fuck yes, take me HOME!
YOUR too sexy for this CHICK. Too sexy for this chick, oh yes I WANT YOUR DICK
hahah god im BORED
Okay, I got the artist name wrong, so i'll let you hear the song :)
Hope your peeing right now. (The lyrics are HILARIOUS)
She nuh waan no lover's honey, all she want is money,
De 'oman is dealin wi maturity
Tha's why she nah goin tek one unda 30
35 an 40, 45 an 60
65 an 60 de woman waan money
If this isn't highschool,
i'm pleading you'll see that you haven't changed. if you indeed, 'grew up' and stopped going for the highchool drama, you'd stop making the blogs and stop making a big deal. you obviously talk shit about the shit talkers, and the shit talkers obviously talk about your shit talking. its not highschool drama or something to be annoyed by, its life and how it works. there are people who dont like eachother and sometimes they need to express that to their friends. its the 'double agents' that are the snakes, the drama queens and the low lives because they have nothing better to do then start the shit and relay the messages. leave it alone, its life. i cant believe im wasting a blog on this crap.
Genuinely
I really wish pain upon you for what you have done to my friends. I hate you for hurting them and smothering them, and most importantly betraying them. You are a weak human being with absolutely no heart. You couldn't give a shit about anybody except yourself, you try so hard to be accepted and loved that you hurt in the process. You don't deserve them in your life and you sure as hell took advantage of their help- and everything they have done for you. I would tell you to stay away from them, but I don't even feel like acknowledging your existence anymore. Just get the fuck out of here and back into the crowd filled with ghosts- where you belong.
8/25/09
Your making me want you.
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8/24/09
I should always wake up early.
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Hold me like you held on to life
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The Bath (A short story)
She needed to take a bath to let the blood of the day drain out of her system. She had a sore body after a long days work, and she managed to finish the day with a sore mind as well. She turned on the tap, only allowing the most scalding temperature to ooze out. She mixed the boiling bed with lavender, a delicious scent that reminded her of places she will one day visit. She lit a candle, opened a window and got all the supplies necessary to be able to clean herself off. She switched off the tap. She put one hand on the wall, and slowly dipped one of her toes into her long awaited bath, only to realize it was horribly painful. She proceeded to enter the burning pit, taking her other foot with her. She began to turn on the cold water, only feeling something that resembled a cold frostbitten day in the winter. She began to sit down in the pool, and knew she deserved whatever pain she knew she would experience. This was no moment to relax and enjoy, this was something she knew was long awaited, her punishment. She began to feel her pulse rise, and began to feel light headed- the heat was getting to her, and her body was reacting in the worst of ways. She stayed still- as the music her lover recommended played appropriately in the background. She eventually proceeded to lower herself into the depths, and her back began to arch. Her breathing became heavier, almost sounding as she was in pain. Her neck eventually met the top of the tub, and her knees and breasts were the only parts that were not submerged. At this point, she began to feel the blood beat through her muscles. She felt the tenseness in her body go away, and she began to open her legs apart. She stretched her legs to the bottom of the tub, and the warmth was excruciating. She knew that the only truth about what she had just felt was that she could only experience this feeling again with her lover. She continued to move her legs downwards, and her body began to quiver with pleasure. The warmth she was craving for years was getting to her, and she was quietly moaning, enjoying every second of it. She eventually slipped deeper into the tub, until everything but her mouth and nose were in the water. She could hear her body scream with relief as she was under the water. When she eventually came back up, she began to wash her body, ever so tenderly. She began to grow tired of the heat- and begged for some relief. She grabbed the tea she brought with her, and poured the cooled liquid ontop of her head, only to have goosebumps develop over her body. She licked her lips as it ran down her face, loving the additional taste of her skin on her tongue. After she finished tending to her body, she sat upright, her back leaning on the wall. She got her tool designed for beauty, to break apart her razor, which she knew she would need for later on. The moment she waited for all night, was about to unfold. She cleared her throat, and began to speak of the vow she would make to herself. "I know what I want. Everytime I let something get in my way- For I know I am soely responsible for what I do- I will let a peice of myself free." She then ever so quietly cut a mark of promise into her flesh, knowing she had just began a new life for herself. As she began to leave the bath, the blood of the day followed the water down the drain.
Blood
I came here to write a blog of different sorts (I'll try, but my train of thought totally went out the window, perhaps its for a better reason.) Lala, I know your reading this, and i'm not surprised you have been. I have never been angry at you for not keeping in touch, or resented you for it. I know you haven't resented me for it either, we're just busy. Its a fact of life, not something i'll point fingers at- I assure you, it has never been the case. You and I are very alike, we always have been. In so many ways, we feel the same pain because we grew up the same way. Single children, in a family of divorcees, always working hard, always looking for love, always losing it, always being dissapointed. You have never ever dissapointed me. Not once, and you never will. I wasn't worried you wouldnt remember my birthday. It was about my birth mother- whether she remembered. To be honest, my birthday was something I wanted to be quiet about, i didn't want any attention because of it. Since the beggining of july, all I wanted was silence and to be hidden, so I could emerge as myself. In so many ways, thats happening to me- for a few reasons (you'll really laugh when i tell you.) But know that I wasn't myself to anybody. I wasn't holding back to you, but to everybody. Every single person- even fausto, at the time. Things are changing in my life for the better, and i'm much more expressive, as you can tell. This is a new change, I assure you. I respect you so much in so many ways, and whatever differences we may have (I can't actually think of any), its really meant to be expressed as constructive critisism, and even concerns for eachother to improve. Were getting old, really old. It's pretty funny. It feels like yesterday we were on nonna's porch waving at the guys- giggling- across the street. It feels like yesterday we were in your room at nonnas, talking about life while nat was in italy (we then went into the basement and burned cherry incense. great night) Soon enough, we'll have more of those. Know that I haven't been disconnected from you due to my schedual, but to everybody. My life is being lived through the airwaves and pixels, and its how I currently manage to grow and develop. I love you so fucking much falalalallaalalalallala, always know that. I don't have any blood relation to anybody here, but know that your the person who I feel the closest with. I trust you with my life.
Bathing in lavender
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8/23/09
Sheeyat
I have to learn how to say no to people.
I took an excellent shift tomorrow, from 8am to 9am.
Skeleton jar.
Something needs to happen for me to really be in control.
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She's the wild one that I know, Open your legs, oh
I want my nipple ring, and I want sex. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.
New msn and stuff!
my facebook is facebook.com/jnssa
and my new msn is jnssa@live.com
!
makes sence, no?
Going to the mall.
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A nipple piercing or a hermit crab?
I don't know what's better!
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8/22/09
Meteors!
SHE'S A LOW DOWN, HIGH CLASS,
VOODOO WOMAN, NICE ARSE,
WITCH CRAFT, PARTY TIME,
LOOK AT HER AND LOOSE MY MIND
HEY, BABY LOOK AT ME,
SO COOL, DON'T YOU SEE,
ALL KNOWING, MIND BLOWING,
SEE THROUGH MYSTERY.
SHARP CLAWS, SHARP MIND,
LOOKING GOOD, I AIN'T BLIND,
GOOD FUN, MACHINE GUN,
WANNA TAKE IT ON THE RUN,
OH BABY I WANT YOU.
...
Come closer to me now,
For I know there's something you must tell me.
When slumber slips between your lips
Will the secrets ooze out easily?
Dinner was delicious
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Yum
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Champagne for my friends, real pain for my sham friends.
I love you guys, I think your incredible people. But don't act like i'm ignoring you or not trying. I'm busy, and this is how I deal with changes in my life. You haven't asked for a girls night out, and you know why I can't go out with you on normal nights. You guys always used to understand, i'm amazed at how things change. What happened to both sides of the story?
I'm on the corner of your bed, I'm thinking maybe, Are you turned on?
I'm getting ready to go downtown, and im wearing my blazer! I'll be such a huge ass pimp tonight! I'll be walking around with my mom, going to randoms stores and boutiques, (perhaps on queen street?) I might and hopefully eat at everest, buy a scarf from Lavish and Squalor, (i want to save my money for a nipple ring, so we'll see.) and then we'll walk to the harbourfront and waste a few hours. Or we might just stay in the eaton center. Who knows. Im just glad that pretty much every second or third day I manage to get my ass downtown. It's amazing. 
The Truth is a Lie: For Dummies.
A lie is the truth because when a lie is revealed or found out, it becomes a fact, a true fact (that it is indeed a lie). Therefore, since it is now revealed as a factual statement, it becomes a truth.
I want a man, not a boy who thinks he can.
You think you understand what i'm talking about, and I know you don't in the slightest. You act like 'oh yes, now I understand you, you say so much in your blog, you express so much! your everything i've wanted you to be!' No. No. No. No. No. You have no idea what I want. You have absoloutely no idea of the things i've been craving for, all the things i've learned and begun to experience. Not at all. You think im all about the darkness now, but your wrong. I've never felt so feminine. You think its all about the drugs- You have no idea how the drugs envy me. Your wrong, because you assume. I am not the girl you used to know. You will never know me.
Remember when I took you to the top of that hill?
I still remember to this day how I felt when I was waiting for you to come around. I would be in caesars, dreaming, listening to one specific song on repeat, sometimes singing along. I still cant believe I found you. Hello, you. (Asshole.)
Time is waiting to explain, Why refuse? It's you.
I had a long day, (an extremely hillariously funny one, really.) and what i did for the most part is think about pranking people, eating mexican, telling anonymous callers off, making fun of people in the pool (and them noticing) seeing a co-worker throw ice at my boss, talk about the little prince, and forced to give out my number due to karma, a friend drawing a picture of a group of us in niagara, taking 8 replacement shifts (or even more) for friends at the pool, and about to call someone.
a random outburst: if there was nothing in the world that was communicable or understandable, and perhaps even aknowladgable, we would still be this close- even though we wouldnt know what it was. it would just be, somehow, some way; its beautiful.
8/20/09
Beauty is Genius
Beauty
n., pl. -ties.
- The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.
- One that is beautiful, especially a beautiful woman.
- A quality or feature that is most effective, gratifying, or telling: The beauty of the venture is that we stand to lose nothing.
- An outstanding or conspicuous example: “Hammett's gun went off. The shot was a beauty, just slightly behind the eyes” (Lillian Hellman).
Beauty hm? As I was reading Dorian Grey, one of the main characters who influences Dorian into becoming worried about losing his beauty, opened my mind to a new idea, or thought process perhaps. He said, "Beauty is Genius. It does not have to be proven or explained. It is a fact for all to marvel upon." (Pretty much) He kept going on about Beauty is the only important thing in life, and that if one has it, to enjoy it, but if one does not have it- indulge your senses. It was quite an amazing read really. But how true can this idea be? I always believed in the beauty of the soul rather then the exterior beauty- but it's true when they say our natural instincts desire beauty. As much as I think to myself, 'oh, pretty boy, meh' my initial reaction clearly sparked something in my brain- and then I reasoned with it to think otherwise. How incredible. It is incredible how stupid we are, how simple we are. (I always thought we were so much like rats, mindless creatures scurrying about, reproducing, eating, and then dying. We just add materialistic goods ontop of that, religion and status in society, really.) what if one day, beauty does not matter to us? What if we see a beautiful man or woman walk by, and have no reaction or see any indifference to another person on the street? That would destroy us as humans, I think. As much as I am totally against shallow people, whoever doesnt consider the importance in beauty is shallow. Without it, we would not strive for excellence or improvement. Its an unfortunate fact, really. This hasn't changed my original feelings towards Beauty. To me, it is definitely still something more.
8/19/09
Soon to be enjoyed
I neeeeed taking back sunday to come on! Fuck the other bands.
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Not until 3.
I wont be leaving this wretched place until three. My friends don't believe in going earlier to have fun, nono, they just want to wait in traffic, and then wait at the doors. I might just go gallivanting off myself, and then go into the concert around 9. Fuck people! :)
So today in the forest
I ended up climbing ontop of a log and sat myself down, closed my eyes and payed attention to everything around me. I stayed there for what felt like seconds- meanwhile it was a good 20 minutes. I felt you there with me. I felt you deep in my chest- trying to get out. (Not at my throat this time). It was a beautiful feeling to be so close to you. Soon, it will be reality. There's more to this, but ill save it for the morning when I can express myself better. Have a great day, and I hope your enjoying that tea.
8/18/09
Getting Strict on Myself.
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ~Bob Moawad
I thought that was appropriate for who im turning into. Starting today, i'm getting strict with what I indulge in, i'm working out much much more, and i'm going to start getting stronger physically, emotionally and mentally. Savvy?
All I need is the sun
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